cool cucumber

Something died inside me recently,or something was awakened, all i know is i want out of the existence that is us, the empty life we live, going through all the motions, my mother has yet to realise that i am not the person she once knew,if she evr knew me that is.

i am sick and tired of my siblings except one, they are of the most irritating sort always wanting you to be like this or like that.i am neither and will be me.

i have always craved a freedom that was hard to explain,free from what culture and society dictates are my obligations, obligations that do not respect my dream. i want to move out and not to where they have asked me to think about but out to out there, where i can do the design myself and do everything i very well please.


i have nothing to say to them most days and mama wonders how she reared such a cold blooded child. i too wonder ,as i was warm once but i find that they could never accept the real me, that at times should have been sent me to the psych for therapy, but trust my people, saying god forbid to what i am sure God sanctions as an outlet for my tortured soul.


i had often said that i was of the melancholic sort, given to reading and blessed with a talent most evident when i am swimming in the depths of despair. i assure you that even i ,am amazed when i resurface.
i am just tired!

i pause here for all the emotions or lack of that i feel here. They pray that someone might pinch me and maybe the once warm blood will heat up and flush away the ice that now resides within.